Hello there, God.
It’s me, Christie.
I know you are out there watching over me and I have a request….
Please investigate this silly life of mine. Get all the facts first hand. I’m an open book, Instagram account,Blog post, Facebook feed to you. Even from heaven above, you know EXACTLY what I’m thinking. The wonderful thoughts and even more….the terrible thoughts. You know them ALL. You know all of my journeys. My physical journeys and my emotional journeys (which seem to take me farther than any physical journey could ever take me). I’m never ever out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say and think before I even know them. I look close behind me and you’re right there with me, then up way far ahead and you’re there. It’s unlike anything I can explain, however it is very reassuring knowing that YOU who created the stars, the solar system, the planets…everything…and you are always an arms length away. This is too much, too wonderful, amazing and undeserved. I can’t take it all in. Is there any place I can go to get away from you and to be out of your sight? If I take a rocket to the sky, you’re there! If I dig a deep tunnel in the ground to escape, you’re there. If I traveled to deep space and sat on the moon you’d find me in a heartbeat, before I planted my flag on the surface and took that “Hey ya’ll! I’m sitting on the dang moon!” selfie….You’d be already there waiting and most likely offer to take the photo for me. Then I would think to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!? At night I’m immersed in the light like a lighting bug in a jar in the deep south of Texas.” It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you, night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you. Like that lighting bug you can see me, yet you don’t keep me trapped in a jar. You let me fly free, even if I sometimes fly the wrong way. It’s as if you have night-vision goggles and you are always wearing them to keep a close eye on me, to show me my path, to see that I know you are there. Before you created this big blue marble we call Earth you knew me. You created me. You knew everything I would do in this life. You knew all my fears, my dreams, my goals, my future. You know me inside and out. You know every bone in my body. You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit. How I was sculpted from nothing into something. You knew all the many many MANY hair colors I would have. You knew all the anxieties that would overwhelm me. You knew the joy I would feel at times. You even knew that I would feel as if you were not there with me at times and how I would doubt you on countless occations. You knew that there would be times were my depression would get the best of me and I felt that inducing physical pain on myself would be the only way to feel in control. You knew the moments when I would give my heart to some boy who didn’t deserve it on more than one occasion. You knew that there would be many many days where I felt like everything was falling apart. You knew that I would act as if I didn’t know you sometimes at times I did out of fear of what others would think…but mostly because I am a selfish human being most days. You also knew that wonderful future that you have in store for me where I would go on to accomplish many things that I could be proud of. There would come a day when I would meet a man who would love ME for me. I can only imagine what wonderful things lie ahead of me and us. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you. You knew all of these things before I was even imagined in my parents minds and hearts. Your thoughts, how rare, how friggin’ beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them!I couldn’t even begin to count them any more than I could count the sand of the coast of beautiful California. Please let me wake up every morning and live always with you and to know you are with me. Always reminds me of those wildflowers that you take such great care of…(Matthew 6:30)
Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me. Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about. See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong then guide me on the road to YOU. The road that you and only you know is right for me.
(Psalms 139 revised.)
On days like today when I wake up and feel lost, get in a minor car accident and smash my finger in a dryer all within a few hours please remind me of the above words. And also the following words from an amazing band….
“When it feels like my dreams are so far….
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.” – Switchfoot
With all my love,